Pana-Panahon

Kahapon gustung-gusto kitang makasama,
Ngayon, ayoko na ng drama.
Hindi ko pa nga nagagawa ang lahat
Pero ayaw mo naman eh, kahit sa sulat.

Kahapon gustung-gusto kitang makita,
Ngayon, nanonood na lang ako ng balita
Sabi mo lahat ginawa mo na
Pati ang iwanan ako nasa listahan mo pala.

Kahapon baliw na baliw pa ako sayo,
Ngayon wala ka na sa’king plano
Katulad mo, kaya ko ring magpakasaya
Pero di tulad mo mas gusto ko’ng kasama ka.

Kahapon ang sabi mo walang katapusan,
Ngayon di ko alam kung ano’ng una ko’ng sisimulan.
Pero gaya mo, napapagod din ako.
Masarap pala magpahinga malayo sa’yo.

Kahapon hindi ko inisip na matatapos nang ganito kabilis
Ngayo’y panahon ko na rin ngang umalis
Bukas siguro naman makakangiti rin ako
Ngunit samakalawa, malamang, sasagi ka na naman sa isip ko.

Wag na,
Kung ayaw mo, ayoko na rin.

White Sand

I am like the sand.

The sand you walk on, the sand you dig in, the sand you build castles with.

Sometimes the sand makes the sea appear beautiful. White, pure sand makes the beach a paradise.

But no one really goes to the beach just to play on the shore. They go there to swim. They just stay on the shore to watch the others, wait, but eventually they will all leave.

I am not white and pure. Most of the time, the sand just mixes with the waves, causing the perception of a dirty water.

Perhaps I belong to that class. The contamination. The people came to see the beautiful ocean, the clear blue water, and I spoil it.

But these people only go to the beach to swim. When it’s dark and they’re tired, they will eventually leave.

But the sand, the sand that makes up the shore… The sand will always be there. No matter how harsh the waves may get, no matter how filthy the shore may be because of the swimmers. No matter how the sun will rise or set, how the clouds hover about or how the rain washes everything out. The sand will always be by the sea.

And they meet halfway, if you just care to notice. It’s not always the vague water, time will come when the sand will settle down onto the ocean floor, if we just wait.

But not all have patience.

Did We Change or Rearrange?

Here we stand, you and I
Not sure exactly how or why
We both stare in each other’s eyes
And pretend we're in disguise

I used to know you, and you, me
So well, so much, so why can we not be?

If this is what you wanted all along
Tell me how could we last that long?
We both do know that we belong
To each other
If that is where you wanted to be
I just want you to come home with me
And I know that you clearly see
“Us” with “forever”.

Here they come, I can’t deny
You do look like you know how to fly
But didn’t you say you felt you had the skies
With me, I know they weren’t just lies

Hear me one more time, oh please
I know right now you’re not at ease
But give it one more try to think at least
Of us, ’til the sun rises at the east

I used to know you, you loved me
And I, you, so why do you refuse to see?

If this is what you wanted all along
Tell me how you listen to our song
We both know that we are strong
Us, together
If that is where you want to be
There’s still a place for you and me
And I know that you clearly see
“The end” with “never”.

Didn’t you use to believe we don’t need anyone else?
Didn’t we do what’s right, what love impels?
Didn’t we feel lost when the other was gone?
Didn’t you use to say that I was the one?

We were one.

Nothing matters to you now, things are just done.

If this is what you wanted all along
Tell me what’s right for you now and what’s wrong
With me, why didn’t it take you long
To find another
But if that’s where you'd rather be
I wish someday you’ll come down to me
'Til then, I hope you do feel free,
Yeah, whatever…

I’m not even sure now how things are with you
But if you could walk away fast, I should be going too.

Overnight

“I need huge space.”

Sigh.

“Darn, it’s cold. Plus I don’t have a blanket.”

“You can have mine.”

“What about you?”

“I think I have an extra. If I don’t, we can share.”

Oh please, don’t have an extra.

Smile.

Make it spacious, come on! Is that all you can do? Move some more!

I can’t believe this. Damn, I love this kind of moment. What wouldn’t I give to stay this way forever?

Ok, you can have the blanket. I’m ok with this. I’m pretty satisfied just being here, able to look at you.

Turn, turn.

I hope you’re sleeping well. As well as having a wider space. I wish I could make you more comfortable. I could get up and sleep on a chair, but that would wake you up.

Oh, I didn’t realize I was cold. Thank you for the warm touch. I love the way we are so close. I really do.

…”I don’t want you anymore.”

…

Sigh.

Alone in a blanket that’s not even mine.

But…

As long as I have it, I believe there’s still hope.

Oh no, don’t take it away from me too.

No Hero for the Martyr / Martyrdom

kung ending 1, “No Hero for the Martyr”, kung ending 2, “Martyrdom” lang ah.

I want to belong in your cold world.
I want to live there, and be imprisoned forever.
I want to be caged by your boundaries.
I want to lock myself up in your beating heart.

I want to crash like the car you drive.
I want to get worried when you’re still not home.
I want to be the bag you throw your furies to.
I want to be controlled by you.

I want to feel the hurt when you break down.
I want to feel the pain when I miss you.
I want to bleed for you.
Then I want to run out of blood ’til my marrows dry up.

I want my heart to skip a beat because of you.
And when it does, I want to run out of oxygen bit by bit.
I want to fall asleep with those eyes and never wake up.
But when I do, I want to be blinded by the stars I’d see in them.

I want your smile to kill me.
It leaves me hanging on for life; a collision of murder and birth.
I want to be broken because of you.
I want to fall and break then later be healed by you.

I want to die in your arms.
For those are the same arms that could bring me to life.
I want my heart to shatter because of you.
And be left like puzzle pieces you can put together.

I want things to fall apart because of you.
I know it will all then fall into place.
I want to be lost in your gaze.
I want to wander forever, until I starve to see you again.

I want to be burnt by the fire in your eyes.
Then be charred to ashes and be scattered to the sea.
I want to freeze when your lips gently touch mine
Then melt all the way and disappear.

I want to crawl on my knees and beg for an answer
I want to fade then reappear with the snap of your finger
I lay content with the thought of you being here
Even the air you breathe out can suffice me ’til dawn.

Ending 1:
I want to drown in your ocean of dreams
Where I am your every thought, every single reason to believe.
I want to be your everything.
But you want everything I am not.

So for now, let these all be wishes
Cried by an aching heart
Of a martyr seeking a hero
Oh, I want to cry, cry, cry.

Ending 2:
I want to drown in your ocean of dreams
Where I am your every thought, every single reason to believe.
I want my wings to be wounded by you.
It is with pleasure to be scarred by your hands.

I want to be your everything -
The morning, the night, the trees, the birds
The rainbow, the light, the dark, the earth
For in my world of held-back tears,
Even the tiniest grain of sand speak entirely of you.